Crap That I'm Thankful For

Alright, so everybody (read: a bunch of sappy chicks) on Facebook is doing that thing where you name one thing you're thankful for each day in November. Or maybe it's everyday up until Thanksgiving..... I'm not sure. Either way, I have no patience for it. It's all a bunch of generic stuff like "This beautiful day" or "My loving family". So, I'm gonna knock it all out in one sitting and tell you guys some stuff that I am thankful for that is unique to me instead of the same things that everybody and their mother is thankful for (which usually includes their mother at some point). If you really want to, you can read one a day so it still feels like I did it right. But you'll have to read the first fifteen to catch up first. Here we go. In no particular order.... Well, obviously they're in a particular order.... I just mean they aren't ordered by importance or overall thankfulness but, rather, randomly as they come to me. So.......... GO!

I'm thankful for:

1) My TV - Without you, TV.... I don't know how I'd spend the endless hours alone in my cramped duplex appartment. Thank you for your 42 inches of LCD kickassery.

2) My PS3 - Kinda goes in tandem with the TV. But without my PS3 my TV is useless. Without my TV my PS3 is useless.... So, I felt obliged to mention both of them here. My PS3 delivers hours of pwning gamage plus BluRay awesomeness to my TV's screen.

3) My iPhone - I can do almost anything on it. Play games with my brother and sister, read books, stream my Netflix, surf the web, check Facebook, Google things when I can't figure out what they mean, check scores, check weather, manage my fantasy team.... Stuff like that.

4) My Job - I know. It's a weird thing to be thankful for..... kinda. But I've been at this job longer than any other job I've had, and, even though I don't make NEARLY as much as I should... I'm still glad they give me money. So, I guess I'm actually thankful for the paycheck.... Hmm...

5) Days Off From My Job - Cause I'm not actually as thankful for my job as I thought.

6) Things that make funny noises - Cause, c'mon! Who doesn't love fart sounds?!

7) Video Game Season - This October through January there are so many awesome games coming out! I can only afford to get a couple of them but still.... I love it.

8) My Belt - It holds up my pants.

9) Fleece Blankets - Warm, light, comfy, feels awesome against my naked skin.... Everything you could ask for in a night time companion..... Almost.

10) Clocks - I don't have an internal clock. Without real clocks I would almost never know what time it was. It's not like I can track the hours by the progress of the sun and stars. I'm not fucking mountain man.

11) Clean Socks - Sometimes it's just so hard to find a pair.

12) Label Makers - Who DOESN'T love making crazy labels?!

13) Football - No... I don't mean soccer. Soccer can go wipe it's ass with sandpaper for all I care. August through February are the 6 months of the year that there are good sports on TV. Thank you, Real Football. You make all our lives better.

14) Baseball season - Cause it just makes me appreciate football season so much more.

15) Food - I love food. It's made me happy at all ages. When I was little I had a sweet tooth. Now, I have a meat tooth. Either way, it's delicious.

16) Curtains - They keep the evil sun from getting into my house and doing dastardly things like waking me up or glaring off my TV.

17) Books - I read a lot. It keeps my mind right.

18) Grass - Cause it's funner to walk on than rocks.

19) Rocks - Cause they're fun to throw at stupid people.

20) Hand Sanitizer - It helps to get all the sticky stuff off my hands after I eat some delicious food (see No. 15).

21) Fault Lines - Maybe one day scientists will discover that California is days away from sinking into the ocean and my sister will have to move closer to me with my nephew. Also, people from California are crazy so screw those guys.

22) Stupid People - Otherwise... Who would I point and laugh at?

23) Toilet Paper - Cause.... Ya know....

24) Paper Plates, Cups, and Utensiles - NO DIRTY DISHES!!! Take THAT sink!

25) English - Cause I don't understand when people don't speak in it.

26) My Devistating Intelligence - Cause being smart is awesome.

27) Irony - Devastating*

28) Doors - They're good for keeping people I don't like out of my house.

29) Shirts - If you aren't a douchebag... You should probably wear one when in public places.

30) Anybody Who's Reading This - Cause you make me feel more important than I actually am. And self-importance is central to my personality.


There you have it. Something I'm thankful for for every day of this month. Finished before any of you losers! Don't get me wrong. There are many other things that I'm thankful for. Like my family and love and a bunch of other crap. But those things are much less amusing. This list will, perhaps, give you a peek at the "real" me. Everybody's thankful for their parents! Try to be a little more original. Peace!